WARNING: This post is written a bit more artistically than what I’ve written before. If you dislike metaphors, analogies, etc… probably don’t read this.

For this post, I wanted to share a slice of what it feels like for me having Tic Disorder. I put me in bold because I can’t and won’t speak for anyone else with the same or a similar condition. In every story I’ve read, each person, regardless of similarities in symptoms, has a unique experience, not only physically but emotionally as well. So, here’s how it feels… if you can relate to any of this, drop a comment and let me know how! (Or feel free to ask questions too!)

It sucks. Sure, I could end it there but that wouldn’t make for a good blog…

It feels like I have ropes tethered to the inside of my body. In my case, the majority are attached to my left. I have no clue where the ropes come from, or how far they travel to each end, but I know they’re pulled tight most of the time. Uncomfortably tight. In the times they aren’t pulled tight, they’re pulled tighter… I wonder how I haven’t been pulled apart. On rare occasion, they’re slacked… just enough for a few uninterrupted minutes of conversation, or couple bites of food before they’re pulled again.

My head hurts.

My body aches.

I constantly struggle to stay present.

There’s weight on my chest, and I’m too familiar with the things over my left shoulder.

It kind of always feels like the moment you’re driving too fast and you pass a cop that doesn’t actually follow.

My thoughts move so fast I usually can’t even remember what I was just doing.

My thoughts move so fast I usually can’t even remember what I was just doing.

I have co-occurring conditions that have latched likes leeches. OCD & depression.

Everything has to feel right at all times. I don’t know what that means but I know that I mean it*.

I will turn the handle of a faucet until the stars align, and I recite personal mantras in my head as if I have a movie audition this week; or any week.

Depression arrives like an unexpected relative… one you don’t like I mean. If you like all your relatives, then you can make up your own analogy.

Depression arrives like ___________________________________.

Maybe a Florida downpour. Out of nowhere, the sun can disappear and I’m left drenched. Think about the cling of a wet shirt or socks and shoes full of water… dry times may vary.

It’s a constant war, so you may find it surprising to hear that I’m at peace with it.

My wife put it perfectly a while back… it was about finding comfort in the fact that I can’t get comfortable.

I’ll end on a firm belief that I’ve said before and I’ll say a million more times… I don’t think it’s important or necessary to embrace your condition; rather, embrace what you can achieve in spite of it.

Thanks for reading.

*any Atmosphere fans?

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